At first, it was going to be "June in Review" to continue my monthly trend. But after recalling everything that has happened over the 7 weeks and what will happen in the next 4-5 weeks, it only felt right to define these moments as the start of a new chapter. It's not only a new chapter for us as a family, but most certainly a new one for each of us individually.
We have so much news to share. Many of you who follow me on social media may have been wondering exactly where we are these days because it doesn't look like Houston, and we are not.
Currently, we are in beautiful Seattle enjoying the long daylight and lakefront view. We flew there on July 3rd with the whole family and anything we need for one month. No, we have not moved there permanently, but we are currently (and legitimately) homeless so we are staying with my brother-in-law's house on the lake in Seattle. It's honestly a great upgrade (in all aspects) from our last condo unit in Houston so none of us are complaining.
You bet that our luggage was just simply a lot. We had 3 big suitcases, 1 car seat, 1 stroller, 2 backpacks, and 2 pet carriers for this trek from Houston to Seattle. Yes, we were exhausted and were very happy when we finally arrived at our destination. While Zoe did (understandably) struggle with the 4-hour plane ride, the dogs handled it amazingly well, perhaps out of reluctance. Of course, the hero of this trip goes to the daddy of this family as he pretty much carried everything around as I constantly whined how much stuff we have.
Now, let me backtrack a little bit to mid-June, after Zoe's birthday #2, now that you have an idea where we are at the moment. Last month, Z graduated from his pediatric craniofacial fellowship which concluded his long, long years of training to become a surgeon. This was a culmination of 15 years of education and training - 4 years of college, 4 years of medical school, 6 years of plastic surgery residency, and 1 year of fellowship. Between the two of us during those years, we made 4 moves, married, added 2 dogs to the family, and welcome a child of our own.
I literally had no idea what kind of lifestyle this medical life was going to be when he started medical school in 2010. It's a lifestyle that's hard to explain to others who are not part of it but to sum it up, it's long years of delayed gratification, patience, isolation (if you allow it to be), and sacrifice. We missed spending many anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays together because of medical life. What we gained is a community of lifetime friends, resilience, and appreciation for the time that we can spend together when we can. I'm proud of us for getting through this journey and, undoubtly, immensely proud of all his accomplishments.
As far as next life destination goes, we are moving to Ft. Worth, TX! Z landed a wonderful job opportunity at a hospital in Ft. Worth so we will be moving to Dallas/Ft. Worth area in August. Our offer on a house was accepted so if all goes well, our new home will be in Arlington. With the housing market being crazy (although our first offer on a different house was declined), we are very thankful that we were able to find something that fits our needs relatively quickly. We put our stuff is currently in storage in Ft. Worth.
Moving out of Houston was hectic and awfully stressful to say the least. Due to some circumstances, we weren't able to make moving arrangements early enough so we struggled to find available full moving services like I originally wanted (because I was so done packing from last year). We ended up having to pack everything in 3 days to accommodate movers that we found at the last minute, and then drive to Ft. Worth the same day our stuff was loaded to the truck so we can meet the movers at storage that evening. I'm so thankful for my well-experienced travelers - Zoe, Lilly and Stark. Even though we had downsized significantly from our move from St. Louis to Houston last year, I was simply amazed at how much stuff we still had and managed to store them in all in the condo for a year. Z is amazingly resilient with these challenges and has truly carried this family forward.
Despite our moving plans going very quickly, we were fortunate to see all of our friends at short notice before we left, including some very old friends from high school years. It is a rarity to have so many close friends living in the same city so I wished we got to hang out more, but of course, we couldn't because of Covid. I do find comfort in thinking that we are only 4-hour drive from each other so it is feasible for us to spend weekends together when we want to. The two high school friends I had the unexpected pleasure of reuniting were from my choir days. I had not seen either of them for almost 16 years so I had the most wonderful catching up on their lives.
The final news, and perhaps most significantly impactful to me personally, is my decision to leave my job. This past Thursday was the last day at Webster University after 7 years of working in graduate admissions. I will be taking on the stay-at-home-parent role for the unforeseeable future. I must admit, this was one of the most difficult, and even emotional, decisions for me. Being a working professional was a major part of my identity that I had a hard time imagining giving up. No matter how difficult attempting to juggle the balance between life and work, working gave me fulfillment.
However, the stress and guilt between the role of a mom and a high-performing employee was the harsh reality I faced in which only got amplified when Covid happened. Even Zoe not being a school-aged child, having to manage work and caring for her at a very dependent stage of life simultaneously destroyed any sort of balance I created after the maternity leave. I felt on the verge of burnout for a while and kept putting on a bandaid every time it needed a quick fixing. It's never a good feeling when you are resentful with work because it's taking away your time from spending quality time with your child but also feeling the same way toward your own child because she's wanting your attention when you need to get work (for your job) done. I was becoming a more irritable mom and a very stressed-out employee who was constantly working around the clock. Unfortunately, in my case, having a remote job, despite so much positive to this much-needed balance I needed, was not enough to get me out of the ditch.
And while I do wish that Z can have a more predictable work schedule so we can share parental duties more equally, I have to accept that it's not possible with his line of work. So, even though I feel like I am succumbing to the societal idea that the "moms" should be the ones primarily caring for the children if they are not the breadwinner, that is exactly where my decision was headed. I will be honest that I have a lot of fear about taking a break from my career right now not knowing how it would affect me if/when I want to return because my current feeling to be both a career woman and a mom remains strong. I went through many stages of emotions that took many months leading up to this decision - feeling of resentment that I always need to sacrifice to provide better balance for the family, the disappointment of my career path, the general feeling of failure for not being resilient, the excitement of finally doing more mom/daughter things, and many more. But with so many current transitions happening right now, I just didn't have it in me anymore to make it work. So, here I am deciding to take a break to build my village from scratch for my family.
I am excited to be spending much more time with Zoe and getting to do things together that were not possible during work days/hours. I'm looking forward to taking care of myself better and reassessing what I want in life including my career. It also makes me a little nervous because I'll need to embrace a completely different lifestyle, and I know very well that being a stay-at-home parent can be isolating and just as hard as working parents. If you ask me right now, though, it feels absolutely liberated to finally offload the job expectations from my plate so we are off to a positive start at least. I know this is the right thing to do for me and for my little family in this season of life and grateful that I have the option to do this.
With Z finally starting his career after more than a decade of education and myself taking on a new role, it truly does feel like we are, collectively as a family and individuals, starting a new chapter. I look forward to continuing to share our journey.
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