Like many moms, my phone is filled with thousands of photos of my kid but very few that are just me and her. We take professional photos once a year for the holiday card, but everything in between tends to be blurry phone selfies. And when you have a kid that is growing like a weed, you just wonder if you should have tried taking more pictures with her together. That's why, when Z showed me a matching outfit the night before Mother's Day, I was a bit speechless and a bit stunned. I'm always in awe of his thoughtfulness toward my need despite working unimaginable hours at the hospital day in and out. Gestures like this always lead me to feel a bit guilty, though, because I feel like I resent his absence on nights and weekends too much without giving him a chance. I don't give him enough credits, to be honest.
We whipped out our DSLR camera that has been sitting on our shelf for too long. Honestly, every time I see the photos later, I wish I had taken more photos with a DSLR camera than just with a phone because the quality is so strikingly different no matter how much the phone camera technology improved over the years.
We drove to Buffalo Bayou Park on the afternoon of Mother's Day and had the most no-pressure photography session ever. Honestly, trying to take photos of a toddler is no easy task, but the always-patient Z pressed the shutter silently to capture the most natural interactions between me and Zoe. I never realized what a talented photographer he is. My mom even said that he should do family photography after he retires from his current profession 🤣!
He indeed took some of the most beautiful photos of me and Zoe in our most natural state. To be honest, I was a little anxious about wearing this dress and then seeing photos of myself afterward. I immediately (secretly) criticized how I looked - I looked chubbier and more tired...really not the look I envisioned at 34 years old. The reality is that going through the pandemic was and is still difficult for me, in addition to the juggling act that I was already trying to figure out between working full-time, motherhood, and a spouse of a healthcare worker who relies on me to make sure life keeps going. Taking care of myself, whether that is eating well or exercising, has easily been the backburner for quite some time now.
But here's the thing - Zoe absolutely adores me, and I hope you are able to see that from these pictures. She has been a mama's girl since she was born and wants nothing more than spending time with me (which breaks Z's heart, of course, because he wants some quality time with our Zoe also!). She doesn't care if I look chubbier than I wished; she just loves me for being her mom.
Perhaps, that was what Z was trying to help me remind through these pictures because it was absolutely the reminder that I needed. And for that, I am so grateful for him for coming up with something that is meaningful and a true celebratory display of motherhood. ♥
My motherhood journey is only 23 months long so far, but my gosh it has been a humbling and challenging ride. There have been countless sleepless nights, worries, reading (and Googling), debating (with myself), discussing (with other mom friends and my own mom), and other emotions that I can't recall anymore. The burden of protecting, raising, and loving this child is indescribable but also rewarding.
Zoe darling - your presence, and that small but mighty spirit have already helped me discover so much about myself and taught me the love I didn't think existed. Thank you for choosing me as your mom and loving me fiercely.
Love you to the moon and back. ♥
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