By we, it's actually me and Zoe.
After watching what happened at the Capitol, I was hurting from the hate in this country that I called home since 2001 all while trying to get through this virus. I didn't think it was the right time to disclose this, but at the same time, I felt compelled to share the news because this damn pandemic isn't over - far from over. We ended up being part of the post-holiday statistics and I hate it.
My emotions are not as raw as the night of January 4th that Zoe tested positive (and then I was confirmed positive on the 6th), but I am still very much working through the mom's guilt. Seeing the result made my heart sink and wanted to hide in the corner and cry, but instead, I took it to a mom's group on Facebook not knowing what I needed to read. Not that I get any joy from other kids contracting the virus, it did somewhat lessen the "I failed as a mom" feeling in the middle of the night. I still cried that night regardless.
We are a healthcare family, after all, so we did everything we could to keep ourselves safe. Traveling in 2020 was never on our mind; we had mostly everything delivered although did do some in-store grocery trips, and the few times we did go out, we kept everything outside away from crowded people. So, who knows - it could have been from Zoe's daycare after all although I was symptomatic a few days before her, or it could have been that one time I decided to get my eyes checked and get a new pair of glasses because I needed to spend up last year's HSA fund after putting off any appointment almost the whole year.
Regardless, I had spent the first 48 hours over-analyzing everything I had done and beating up myself for it, including the decision to send Zoe back to daycare just 3 weeks ago. I knew sending Zoe back to daycare was a risky decision, but Z and I followed the data, pondered about it for months before deciding to slowly ease her into it. In the end, the guilt will always be within me because I feel I could have done more to prevent this from happening to her. But as many moms encouraged after that post, I am redirecting that energy for a speedy recovery.
I am entering day 10 of symptoms tomorrow while Zoe will start day 8. Z has been asymptomatic the whole time and was tested negative twice this week. For informational purposes, here is a quick summary of what we have experienced and still experienced.
Me - Started off with a scratchy throat and heartburn. The earlier days felt like a bad sinus infection (stuffy nose, sore throat, and sinus pressure) until I lost sense of smell on the tail end of day 4. Once I lost sense of smell, my symptoms have been stuck on body ache, chill, and severe fatigue. I literally feel like sleeping all day if I could. I also picked up on dry cough starting yesterday so I'm keeping an eye on that. I had a mild fever here and there but was not consistent. I took my test from CVS drive-thru which was a self-administered test. The result came out 3 business days later. I actually took the test before Zoe did, even before losing the sense of smell, out of abundant caution.
Zoe - We were not suspicious for a while, but I noticed her stool was getting softer days before other symptoms showed up. On day 3, she coughed a little bit (more like clearing her throat when eating), and then by day 4 she was showing full-blown cold symptoms (runny nose, watery eyes), which lasted for a couple of days. She had a mild fever for a day during those symptoms, but that was it. The only thing we are now waiting for improvement in her stool. The biggest challenge for her during all of this is actually her severe diaper rash. Otherwise, she has been in good spirits, eating, and drinking well. We got her tested the day after I discovered a lost sense of smell. We did it through TX Children's and got the result back that night. I am so very thankful for the relatively mild symptoms even though I'm a little anxious about any long-term effect this might have on her.
By far the most challenging part of this recovery journey is the completely mismatched energy level between me and Zoe. My energy has been sapped completely for several days now - to the point that I have to nap when she naps in order to get through the rest of the day - while Zoe's energy has been skyrocketing (probably because she is couped up for almost a week now). With Z being out of the equation to help (in order to keep him 'negative'), it has been all on me to take care of her from morning until bedtime while still trying to take care of myself. I'm also a weirdo and only took a day off from work so I've been trying to work my regular hours (from home) into the mix.
I sure miss our house in St. Louis right now because trying to keep out of each other's sight in an apartment has been challenging. It also breaks our heart that Z can't hug or kiss her, and all Zoe wants to do is run to her daddy.
All that is to say, I am mighty relieved that this weekend is here because it has been a hard week of a brand new year. It is not the way we wanted to ring in the new year, but I know we will get stronger coming out of it. Stay safe, everyone.
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