Clearly, a lot has happened since I last posted here! I’m having a hard time admitting that a month has already gone by as I’m typing about the start of my daughter’s life. I have a conflicted feeling between happiness that she is getting bigger and a sadness that she is getting too big too soon – is this what parenthood all about?! Anyways, I do plan on sharing a separate post about her first month of life.
Firstly, say hello to Z and my daughter – Zoe (Zo-E) Yuna (pronounced Yoo-Na)!
We chose this name quite early on in my pregnancy. Z chose her first name while I chose her middle. To be honest, we didn’t build her name based on the meaning but we ended up trying to solidify the combination of names that were meaningful. Zoe means “life” in Greek, while Yuna roughly means “clear” and “beautiful.” We ultimately decided on our wish for her to have a beautiful life and with clear consciousness.
It is still hard to comprehend the fact that I am a mom even while I am about to type up her birth story. Sometimes I watch her in disbelief thinking that I have carried her in my body for 40 weeks, and this little human being completely depends on me for her every need. It’s overwhelming but a privilege that I carry on every day. She also kept me super busy that it took me weeks to even finish sharing this story!
Zoe’s due date was June 2nd; however, it became obvious that she preferred to stay where she was as long as she could. At my last doctor’s appointment, the Thursday before the due date, we decided to schedule an induction date just in case she didn’t want to make an appearance by her due date. The obstetric office we go to is an academic hospital with a large group of physicians; we scheduled it so that there is a higher chance that the baby would be delivered by my primary obstetrician who will be on call starting the afternoon of June 4th. I was only 1cm dilated at the appointment, and with barely any Braxton Hicks leading up to that day, so we were pretty comfortable with moving forward with induction.
By the last week of May, we had both moms (my mom and Z’s mom) already in town anxiously waiting for the arrival of their first granddaughter. There was definitely no sign of me going into labor when the due date arrived (other than my mucus plug finally coming out…TMI I know), so we enjoyed the day by having a couple of friends over for barbecue and then the family, including the dogs, went for an evening stroll to end the day. Honestly, it was such a lovely day. I felt great – I wasn’t nervous at all but was certainly excited to meet the little girl I’ve been baking for a full 40 weeks. I couldn’t have asked for a better way to spend my due date.
On June 3rd at 10pm, we were admitted to the hospital to start the induction as planned. By then, I was 3cm dilated but no signs of contractions. We met with an OBGYN resident (remember, we were at an academic hospital) who went over our options for induction. We agreed on the plan of starting with Cervidil, which essentially ripens the cervix as preparation for delivery. I was to be monitored for the next 3-4 hours afterward for progress and then move onto receiving Pitocin, which would definitely start the labor (I believe most people receive Pitocin for induction). We also discussed my birth plan – I didn’t have one…haha! I never had a particularly strong opinion or preference for a certain type of delivery. My goal was to deliver Zoe in the safest manner possible, whatever that meant. Perhaps, I sound naïve, but I do trust the experienced healthcare providers to make the best decision based on the interest of me and the baby’s health.
We also discussed the use of epidural – essentially, I was told that I have the liberty to ask for one early on during labor (i.e., if I start to feel “uncomfortable”, I can ask for the “Epi.”). I did have every intention to use it eventually, but I also wanted to test how much pain I could endure myself before asking SOS, aka the “Epi.” Anyway, my general impression during the consultation was that Cervidil itself was not going to be effective enough to start full-blown labor, especially since this is my first pregnancy. It was merely to get my body “ready” before adding the real stuff, which is Pitocin. Boy, were we all wrong…
I was given Cervidil around 11:30pm. I figured that this would be my time to get some sleep before the “real deal” starts later so I gave Z a goodnight kiss and attempted to sleep. I had a hard time falling asleep because of all the beeping noise coming from the machine (although hearing Zoe’s heartbeat was comforting) and the generally uncomfortable hospital bed. Just as I was starting to feel sleepy, I was quickly awakened by the cramps that felt all too familiar. The cramps I initially felt were the typical cramps when your period is about to start. It was mild and came and went before I could process much of it. I was told during a consultation that Cervidil can trigger some cramping so I didn’t think much of it. Since I didn’t keep track of time, I could not tell how much later the cramping started to worsen (Z said that it was not much longer after I initially told him about the mild cramping). The mild, period-like cramping soon turned into a version that I dreaded, which is the severe cramping I get 2 or 3 times a year (the one where I have to call in sick and overdosing myself on Midol). However, this cramping, too, was something I was all too familiar with, even though unpleasant, I kept going and didn’t ask for epidural.
(According to Z) things went to a whole new level around 1am. No more was the severe cramping but the actual contraction – funny thing is, I never really understood why it was called “contraction” until then (Ha!). At that point, my abdomen was contracting so much that I felt like I couldn’t breathe. (TMI here…sorry!) Every time I was contracting, I felt like something was gushing out from my lady bits and all I could remember was obsessively apologizing to the nurses for the mess I was making LOL. Doctors and nurses came by to check on my cervix and guess what? I had gone from 3cm to 10 cm dilation in a span of an hour or two at the most, which was like a record speed after receiving just one round Cervidil. Everyone seemed impressed that my body had reacted to the medication so easily.
Finally, my pain level was shooting through the roof in which I was yelling for epidural – I had called for SOS around 1:30am. Now, here was the evil twist that I shall kindly inform to all my future expecting friends as an FYI – apparently, there were already several ladies asking for the same thing around that same time. The CRNA administering the epidural was getting backed up; therefore, the SOS I hoped to receive rather soon turned into an hour and a half wait. So, if you are pretty sure about receiving an epidural, you might not want to be like me and wait until you are at the peak of your pain level before asking for one. 😉 It ended up taking an hour and a half before I was injected with that lovely drug. Somehow, I survived during that time by completely stopping the blood circulation of Z’s hands and eventually finding a way to do some breathing technique. Supposedly, the epidural needle is painful as hell – well, I didn’t feel a thing. I can’t believe for saying this, but I was kind of glad to experience the true labor even though I was in complete agony. It made me appreciate what my body could do. If I was braver, I may have tried to go natural without an epidural, but that is easier said than done. I truly applaud all women out there who’ve gone through labor with no drug – I don’t know how y’all did it.
By 4am-ish, I was able to finally relax and monitor the contraction on the screen. It’s really strange to see the monitor spike whenever a contraction takes place, and you don’t feel anything. By then, it was a waiting game to see when I could push. A new concern quickly developed soon after the calmness finally hit the room. First, Zoe’s heart rate was decelerating at a concerning level every time I was contracting. Second, Zoe was stationed at 0cm and wasn’t budging (not low enough for me to begin pushing). The room was soon filled with attendings, residents, and nurses who were all quietly but very seriously monitoring the screen – it was the first time where I really felt nervous. Zoe was clearly in distress every time I was contracting, and suddenly, the discussion of emergency c-section began to surface. The doctors were worried that prolonging the wait was going to continue increasing the distress on Zoe. She needed to descend far down enough soon for me to begin pushing. They eventually decided to inject a drug to stop the contractions and allow Zoe to recover from the stress. Meanwhile, nurses came by every 15 minutes with a giant inflated peanut-shaped balloon(?)/ball(?) to adjust my position in hopes to use gravity to bring Zoe further down in my cervix for a vaginal delivery. Additionally, there were now two teams forming – one for vaginal delivery and the other for c-section in order to be ready for any situation that arises.
After a couple of anxious hours, doing everything possible to promote vaginal delivery instead of surgery, the doctor gave me the green light to push! It took me about an hour and 15 minutes of pushing (thank goodness epidural), Zoe finally made an appearance on June 4th at 9:02am. She measured 5lbs 12oz (little babe!), 19in long. Seeing her face after about 10 hours of labor was the best moment ever, and all the anxiety or uncertainty I may have had washed away instantly upon hearing her roaring cry. I honestly didn’t care if c-section had to happen, but in the end, I was so grateful for the opportunity to experience this birth in a way it happened. Watching Z hold our daughter for the first time brought me endless happiness; I just knew right then and there that he was going to be the best dad for her. I cannot thank enough to all the doctors, nurses, and staffs who were on top of things to ensure that Zoe and I were getting through this journey successful.
Thank you all for reading this ungodly long birth story (because I’m long-winded)! We are so thrilled to finally bring her to this world.
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